September 24, 2015

Kingston Henry Wick

In all my swollen pregnant glory.
I got my cerclage out at 36 weeks. At this point my doctor thought it would be safe to have my baby anytime he was ready to come. I went into the office and they removed it there. I was nervous because to get it placed was a whole ordeal where I was under anesthesia and couldn't feel a thing. My doctor assured me that it would be quick and not painful. Well, it was quite painful. Not excruciating but by the time he got it out I was pretty ready to get out of there! Everyone was sure I would go into labor any day after that since there was no longer anything holding my cervix shut. The next few days I felt some cramping and felt like something could possibly be going on. I was getting anxious and excited. However at my next doctor's appointment I was only dilated to a 1 and nothing seemed eminent. I started getting nervous because my doctor was going out of town the week before my due date and I really wanted him to deliver my baby since he had seen me through the whole pregnancy. Weeks passed and it was looking like I was actually going to make it past my due date! I was reading everything I could get my hands on about lesser known labor signs and other women's experiences after getting their cerclages removed. It was really starting to feel real and I was letting myself get more and more excited (mind you, I had that dark doubt still looming in the back of my mind).

On July 4, 2015 I kept getting woken up in the wee hours of the morning with contractions. They were definitely stronger than the ones I had been having my whole pregnancy though still not really painful..but still I knew something was definitely going on. By 6:00am they were coming regularly and I could not get myself to fall back asleep. I woke up ate some cereal and snuggled in front of the TV with my doggies while timing the contractions. They were coming every 10 minutes for a couple hours then at 9:00am I realized they were coming every 5 minutes. I called my doctors office and spoke with the doc on call who told me I should probably make my way to the hospital. I went to talk to Rob to wake him up. I said it's time to get ready to go to the hospital! He was sleepy and didn't really understand what I was telling him so it took a while to really wake him up. We both took our time showering, getting dressed, and grabbing our bags. We probably arrived to the hospital around 11:00 am. The nurse checked me and I was still only at 1cm dilated! We walked around the hospital for a while and the nurse checked me again...2cm. Rob decided to go grab himself lunch while I sat and rested for a while. The nurse called the doctor and said that I could go home and labor there in the comfort of my home or stay at the hospital since they have no way of knowing how long it would be. We decided to sister had really fast labors and I didn't want to end up rushing (since our hospital was about 20 minutes away). The last thing I wanted was to give birth on the side of the road!

Maybe around 3:00pm the doctor (not my doctor, because of course he was out of town until Monday!)  came in introduced herself and we talked game plan. My contractions were unbearable at this point so I received my epidural (lifesaver) and was feeling easy breezy. We decided to start on some pitocin and break my water to get things moving. I was still only about 3cm and 100% effaced at this point. I started feeling a lot of pressure and the doc came to check me and was shocked when she discovered I went from 3cm to 10cm in less than an hour. They had me "labor down" for awhile because 2 other women were having babies at this point and the doc was super busy. The pressure was getting stronger and stronger so the doc finally gave us the okay to start pushing (omg!).

Mommy & Kingston
Less than an hour later at 8:45pm little Kingston Henry Wick was born! 6lbs 9oz and 19 inches long. He had a ton of dark hair, dark blue eyes and wasn't crying at all. Calm as can be they placed him in my arms and I just about died. It was all so surreal. I couldn't and still can't believe I get to be the mom to such a perfect, beautiful boy. My favorite memory from this day was when Rob, about two hours after he was born, asked me (so timidly) "Can I hold him now?" I had been so caught up in the dream and excitement of it all that I hadn't even realized I was totally hogging our new little baby. Rob was so sweet, he was like, "I know you had to carry him the whole time and bonded with him more so I didn't want to interrupt your time together."

Daddy & Kingston
Still to this day it doesn't feel real that I am a mom. I have been entrusted a tiny sweet perfect baby and believe me I know how blessed and lucky I am! I'm trying not to take one second for granted. 

September 21, 2015

My High-Risk Pregnancy

I use this blog mostly as an emotional outlet for myself, however I would also like to think that at least some of my words and experiences could help some one else out for those reasons I wanted to share my most previous pregnancy experience with the bloggersphere. Be warned this is very long, like I said it is an emotional outlet for me! So read on if you dare...

Most of you may know that back in 2013 we lost our sweet baby boy twins at 21 weeks. After attempting to recover from that (but really how can anyone ever recover from losing a child?) we got pregnant again 6 months later and sadly had an early miscarriage. It took me quite a while to even think about getting pregnant again after that. I was terrified of the possibility of having to go through the same horrifying experience of losing my babies. I tried to take time to more fully heal myself and get my emotional state back to a stable place. Looking back I realize how dark of a place I was really in during most of this. I have had to take medication for my anxiety and depression since high school and with out that help I really don't know if I would have made it through..It is scary admitting that to the public but it is true.

So about a year after we lost our second pregnancy Rob and I decided that we wanted to start trying to get pregnant again. It took a few months which was scary because I got pregnant immediately with both of my other pregnancies but I know that I am in the minority and that in reality it usually takes most women longer than one month to get pregnant..this was just the precursor to how I would feel the entire pregnancy. My mind was forever changed. I wasn't one of those women who could get pregnant and bask in the glow and glory of having a little human growing inside of her. Don't get me wrong, of course I was happy but the moments I would let that happiness in I would almost immediately block it out in fear of "jinxing" the pregnancy. I knew that any happy moments of this pregnancy would be brief and few and far between.

I found a wonderful doctor who I completely trusted this time around. Before I got pregnant I had met with him and told him my story and we had talked about our "game plan". I knew I loved him from that first meeting. He listened to me, took my concerns seriously, and like me did not want to take any risks or chances. From my experience losing the twins at 21 weeks he thought the problem was either an incompetent cervix, pre-term labor, or both. We decided I would take progesterone shots and get a cerclage to minimize the chance of either of those issues terminating this pregnancy early. My first appointments all went wonderfully, everything was on track...Rob came to the first ultrasound but compared to our first time around this time was very somber. We were not excited as the tech let us listen to our babies tiny heartbeat. Instead we bombarded her with questions. "Does everything look good?" "How can you tell?" "Do you think we will lose this baby?" We were scared, paranoid, and just all around anxious. In January once I entered my second trimester it was time for my surgery to get my cerclage placed. For those who have no idea what a cerclage is, they literally go in and stitch my cervix close. I was so nervous! Besides getting my wisdom teeth out I have never had any kind of surgery. They rolled me in the room while I was still awake so that the amount of time I was under anesthesia was as little as possible so as to have as little effect on the baby as possible. It was an extremely odd feeling being lifted onto a cold metal table in a sterile brightly lit room with a ton of medical professional in masks around you while you are still awake. All my fears aside everything with the surgery went perfectly and my doctor was very happy with how everything turned out.

At my next ultrasound everything still looked great. However, I was still constantly stressed and freaked out that this was just too good to be true and something of course was going to go wrong. Then of course at my next ultrasound when I was 14 weeks along it happened. The tech said that my cervix was funneling and essentially the only thing keeping my baby in was the cerclage. My doctor sent my to the hospital immediately. Rob and I were just kind of numb. We both just kept thinking I cannot believe this is happening again. My cervix had gone from a 3.5 cm to 1.5cm in a week. At the hospital they monitored my contractions which were coming every 3 minutes, of course I hadn't been feeling these which is fairly common because I was not that far along. They checked me in and my doctor had basically prepared me to expect to stay on bed rest in the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy. Luckily the next day after another ultrasound we learned that my cervix had lengthened (which is extremely uncommon) back to 3.5cm. After meeting with the high-risk doctors we decided that it was safe for me to go home and remain on bed rest there and take high dose ibuprofen every 12 hours for my contractions for the next few days. That meant laying nearly flat and doing nothing besides short bathroom breaks. It sounds like torture for most people but I think it was easy for me to do this because I had experienced losing a child and was willing to do anything to prevent it from happening again. I remained closely monitored, getting cervical length ultrasounds every two weeks at the high-risk office and getting my progesterone shots every week and my normal doctor. At 24 weeks I also started getting fetal fibronectin tests every two weeks (a test that basically lets you know the likelihood of going into labor). Thankfully I had my mom 10 minutes away to basically help me with everything. She would take me to all my doctor appointments (because I wasn't supposed to drive), bring me lunch, and even come clean my house!

Later on in the pregnancy my contractions began to be a problem again so I was prescribed some pills that were supposed to settle them down but all in all everything remained pretty stable. I was still extremely paranoid and constantly in fear. Near 32 weeks I got the call that one of my fetal fibronectin tests came back positive. My doc decided I should head to the hospital and get some steroid shots for baby boy's lungs just in case he decided to come early but luckily nothing came from that. I was not quite ready to meet my baby boy. More than anything I just wanted him to be full term and healthy because I didn't think I could handle the stress of him needing to be in the NICU. I finally let my family throw me a baby shower when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I was still feeling weird about it because I just kept thinking something was going to go wrong. The thing about faith can have it but it does not take the fear away. It does not guarantee things will turn out the way you want. Luckily, this time things turned out the way I wanted. I made it full-term to 39 weeks! I like to joke that baby boy was being stubborn and wanted to prove everyone wrong!

It was terrifying and I was basically living in terror for nearly 10 months but in the end it was all worth it.

....Stay tuned for Kingston's birth story!

In a closet in my house I keep a small box hidden away. It is sacred and special to me. At least once a year I pull it out and it re-op...