January 13, 2018

In a closet in my house I keep a small box hidden away. It is sacred and special to me.
At least once a year I pull it out and it re-opens a hole in my heart. Although that wound never fully heals, each year it does get a little less deep. When I open this box I allow myself to feel those things that most days I shove deep inside in an attempt to hide them away. Some days I am able to think about them and talk about them only with celebration for the time I was given. On other days, when something sets me off, a song, a smell, a feeling, I am reminded just how deep the wound is.

It will never fully heal, it cannot. It has changed me, shaped me, made me the woman I am today. It won't stop, it will continue to evolve with me. I will continue to find meaning, lessons and misery in that wound because I have no other choice. You truly don't know what you can endure until you are given no other option.

My heart aches for those boys who were abruptly and forcibly taken from me. One day I woke up with hope, joy excitement for the future and in an instant it was gone and replaced with shock, anger, disbelief...They say a parent should never outlive their child. It is a cruel and unusual torture to endure and you can't understand until you are forced. You can sympathize, empathize but you will never fully grasp the depth of those wounds until you are there and I pray you never are.

This box brings back these raw, cold feeling which is why I keep it hidden away. Call it denial but for me it is survival. So I reserve that side of me for my private moments. No one can take them from me and they are mine and mine alone. No judgement, misunderstanding or pity. It is my safe place to feel and heal.

John Max
James Moore

September 24, 2015

Kingston Henry Wick

In all my swollen pregnant glory.
I got my cerclage out at 36 weeks. At this point my doctor thought it would be safe to have my baby anytime he was ready to come. I went into the office and they removed it there. I was nervous because to get it placed was a whole ordeal where I was under anesthesia and couldn't feel a thing. My doctor assured me that it would be quick and not painful. Well, it was quite painful. Not excruciating but by the time he got it out I was pretty ready to get out of there! Everyone was sure I would go into labor any day after that since there was no longer anything holding my cervix shut. The next few days I felt some cramping and felt like something could possibly be going on. I was getting anxious and excited. However at my next doctor's appointment I was only dilated to a 1 and nothing seemed eminent. I started getting nervous because my doctor was going out of town the week before my due date and I really wanted him to deliver my baby since he had seen me through the whole pregnancy. Weeks passed and it was looking like I was actually going to make it past my due date! I was reading everything I could get my hands on about lesser known labor signs and other women's experiences after getting their cerclages removed. It was really starting to feel real and I was letting myself get more and more excited (mind you, I had that dark doubt still looming in the back of my mind).

On July 4, 2015 I kept getting woken up in the wee hours of the morning with contractions. They were definitely stronger than the ones I had been having my whole pregnancy though still not really painful..but still I knew something was definitely going on. By 6:00am they were coming regularly and I could not get myself to fall back asleep. I woke up ate some cereal and snuggled in front of the TV with my doggies while timing the contractions. They were coming every 10 minutes for a couple hours then at 9:00am I realized they were coming every 5 minutes. I called my doctors office and spoke with the doc on call who told me I should probably make my way to the hospital. I went to talk to Rob to wake him up. I said it's time to get ready to go to the hospital! He was sleepy and didn't really understand what I was telling him so it took a while to really wake him up. We both took our time showering, getting dressed, and grabbing our bags. We probably arrived to the hospital around 11:00 am. The nurse checked me and I was still only at 1cm dilated! We walked around the hospital for a while and the nurse checked me again...2cm. Rob decided to go grab himself lunch while I sat and rested for a while. The nurse called the doctor and said that I could go home and labor there in the comfort of my home or stay at the hospital since they have no way of knowing how long it would be. We decided to stay...my sister had really fast labors and I didn't want to end up rushing (since our hospital was about 20 minutes away). The last thing I wanted was to give birth on the side of the road!

Maybe around 3:00pm the doctor (not my doctor, because of course he was out of town until Monday!)  came in introduced herself and we talked game plan. My contractions were unbearable at this point so I received my epidural (lifesaver) and was feeling easy breezy. We decided to start on some pitocin and break my water to get things moving. I was still only about 3cm and 100% effaced at this point. I started feeling a lot of pressure and the doc came to check me and was shocked when she discovered I went from 3cm to 10cm in less than an hour. They had me "labor down" for awhile because 2 other women were having babies at this point and the doc was super busy. The pressure was getting stronger and stronger so the doc finally gave us the okay to start pushing (omg!).

Mommy & Kingston
Less than an hour later at 8:45pm little Kingston Henry Wick was born! 6lbs 9oz and 19 inches long. He had a ton of dark hair, dark blue eyes and wasn't crying at all. Calm as can be they placed him in my arms and I just about died. It was all so surreal. I couldn't and still can't believe I get to be the mom to such a perfect, beautiful boy. My favorite memory from this day was when Rob, about two hours after he was born, asked me (so timidly) "Can I hold him now?" I had been so caught up in the dream and excitement of it all that I hadn't even realized I was totally hogging our new little baby. Rob was so sweet, he was like, "I know you had to carry him the whole time and bonded with him more so I didn't want to interrupt your time together."

Daddy & Kingston
Still to this day it doesn't feel real that I am a mom. I have been entrusted a tiny sweet perfect baby and believe me I know how blessed and lucky I am! I'm trying not to take one second for granted. 

September 21, 2015

My High-Risk Pregnancy

I use this blog mostly as an emotional outlet for myself, however I would also like to think that at least some of my words and experiences could help some one else out there...so for those reasons I wanted to share my most previous pregnancy experience with the bloggersphere. Be warned this is very long, like I said it is an emotional outlet for me! So read on if you dare...

Most of you may know that back in 2013 we lost our sweet baby boy twins at 21 weeks. After attempting to recover from that (but really how can anyone ever recover from losing a child?) we got pregnant again 6 months later and sadly had an early miscarriage. It took me quite a while to even think about getting pregnant again after that. I was terrified of the possibility of having to go through the same horrifying experience of losing my babies. I tried to take time to more fully heal myself and get my emotional state back to a stable place. Looking back I realize how dark of a place I was really in during most of this. I have had to take medication for my anxiety and depression since high school and with out that help I really don't know if I would have made it through..It is scary admitting that to the public but it is true.

So about a year after we lost our second pregnancy Rob and I decided that we wanted to start trying to get pregnant again. It took a few months which was scary because I got pregnant immediately with both of my other pregnancies but I know that I am in the minority and that in reality it usually takes most women longer than one month to get pregnant..this was just the precursor to how I would feel the entire pregnancy. My mind was forever changed. I wasn't one of those women who could get pregnant and bask in the glow and glory of having a little human growing inside of her. Don't get me wrong, of course I was happy but the moments I would let that happiness in I would almost immediately block it out in fear of "jinxing" the pregnancy. I knew that any happy moments of this pregnancy would be brief and few and far between.

I found a wonderful doctor who I completely trusted this time around. Before I got pregnant I had met with him and told him my story and we had talked about our "game plan". I knew I loved him from that first meeting. He listened to me, took my concerns seriously, and like me did not want to take any risks or chances. From my experience losing the twins at 21 weeks he thought the problem was either an incompetent cervix, pre-term labor, or both. We decided I would take progesterone shots and get a cerclage to minimize the chance of either of those issues terminating this pregnancy early. My first appointments all went wonderfully, everything was on track...Rob came to the first ultrasound but compared to our first time around this time was very somber. We were not excited as the tech let us listen to our babies tiny heartbeat. Instead we bombarded her with questions. "Does everything look good?" "How can you tell?" "Do you think we will lose this baby?" We were scared, paranoid, and just all around anxious. In January once I entered my second trimester it was time for my surgery to get my cerclage placed. For those who have no idea what a cerclage is, they literally go in and stitch my cervix close. I was so nervous! Besides getting my wisdom teeth out I have never had any kind of surgery. They rolled me in the room while I was still awake so that the amount of time I was under anesthesia was as little as possible so as to have as little effect on the baby as possible. It was an extremely odd feeling being lifted onto a cold metal table in a sterile brightly lit room with a ton of medical professional in masks around you while you are still awake. All my fears aside everything with the surgery went perfectly and my doctor was very happy with how everything turned out.

At my next ultrasound everything still looked great. However, I was still constantly stressed and freaked out that this was just too good to be true and something of course was going to go wrong. Then of course at my next ultrasound when I was 14 weeks along it happened. The tech said that my cervix was funneling and essentially the only thing keeping my baby in was the cerclage. My doctor sent my to the hospital immediately. Rob and I were just kind of numb. We both just kept thinking I cannot believe this is happening again. My cervix had gone from a 3.5 cm to 1.5cm in a week. At the hospital they monitored my contractions which were coming every 3 minutes, of course I hadn't been feeling these which is fairly common because I was not that far along. They checked me in and my doctor had basically prepared me to expect to stay on bed rest in the hospital for the remainder of my pregnancy. Luckily the next day after another ultrasound we learned that my cervix had lengthened (which is extremely uncommon) back to 3.5cm. After meeting with the high-risk doctors we decided that it was safe for me to go home and remain on bed rest there and take high dose ibuprofen every 12 hours for my contractions for the next few days. That meant laying nearly flat and doing nothing besides short bathroom breaks. It sounds like torture for most people but I think it was easy for me to do this because I had experienced losing a child and was willing to do anything to prevent it from happening again. I remained closely monitored, getting cervical length ultrasounds every two weeks at the high-risk office and getting my progesterone shots every week and my normal doctor. At 24 weeks I also started getting fetal fibronectin tests every two weeks (a test that basically lets you know the likelihood of going into labor). Thankfully I had my mom 10 minutes away to basically help me with everything. She would take me to all my doctor appointments (because I wasn't supposed to drive), bring me lunch, and even come clean my house!

Later on in the pregnancy my contractions began to be a problem again so I was prescribed some pills that were supposed to settle them down but all in all everything remained pretty stable. I was still extremely paranoid and constantly in fear. Near 32 weeks I got the call that one of my fetal fibronectin tests came back positive. My doc decided I should head to the hospital and get some steroid shots for baby boy's lungs just in case he decided to come early but luckily nothing came from that. I was not quite ready to meet my baby boy. More than anything I just wanted him to be full term and healthy because I didn't think I could handle the stress of him needing to be in the NICU. I finally let my family throw me a baby shower when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I was still feeling weird about it because I just kept thinking something was going to go wrong. The thing about faith is...you can have it but it does not take the fear away. It does not guarantee things will turn out the way you want. Luckily, this time things turned out the way I wanted. I made it full-term to 39 weeks! I like to joke that baby boy was being stubborn and wanted to prove everyone wrong!

It was terrifying and I was basically living in terror for nearly 10 months but in the end it was all worth it.

....Stay tuned for Kingston's birth story!

January 17, 2013

Burying Our Baby Boys

Most of you don’t know what has been going on in Rob and me’s life this past week and we both feel as if it is now time to share.

We have had an exciting past couple of months. First we discovered we were pregnant after trying just a couple of months (what a blessing), then a few weeks later we discovered we were having twins! We never imagined we would be so blessed! Finally, at 18 weeks we discovered the sexes of our little angels, two boys! I never thought I wanted twin boys but with that overwhelming joy I felt when I discovered that’s what we had I knew that I could not go another second without them! Everything looked perfect with the pregnancy. I was seeing a normal OB and a high-risk specialist each month to make sure our twins were safe, healthy, and strong. I was finally out of the yucky first trimester morning sickness and severe fatigue stage and really starting to prepare for our sweet boys to join our home. They were starting to move so much and Rob even was able to feel them kick for the first couple of times. We were both ecstatic. We honestly did not know what we had done to be so blessed. Our life was absolutely perfect. Sure we had the stress of finances to think about, two babies instead of one was more than we planned for, but it only felt like double the blessings; we were never truly worried about anything but their well-being.

Sunday, January 13th I woke up several times in the night with cramping. It would hurt pretty badly but just for several seconds and then pass and I seemed to be able to fall asleep for a while after so I was not worried. By the time the sun came up they seemed to be getting worse. I really started to panic but read some online baby forums and chalked it up to round ligament pains. When I finally drug myself out of bed to the bathroom the cramps were still persisting and I noticed I was starting to bleed. Immediately I knew something was wrong. I told Rob we needed to go straight to the hospital. I knew blood at this stage was most likely a sign of something serious and coupled with the cramping I really started to panic. Still, I never expected what came next.

I could tell Rob was a little panicked, he ran a red light on the way to the hospital, luckily it was less than a mile from our home and we arrived in about two minutes. The signing-in process seemed to take an eternity. The lady inputting my information did not seem in a hurry and it was really starting to bother me. Finally she took us to another room where another lady asked more questions, at this point the cramps were really starting to get to me. She noticed and said something about having a contraction. What? These aren’t contractions are they? I’m just cramping, it’s probably just something wrong with one of the placentas or my cervix is starting to widen a little, right? She took us to an actual room had me undress and lay in bed and nurses starting coming in asking MORE questions. How many times can they ask me how far along I am? Seriously, take a look down there. Tell me what’s going on please. Of course, these were all things I was thinking and never verbalizing. I couldn’t do much as this point but shake in the bed from the pain and try not to pass out.

I remember things in blurs after this point. Whether it was the pain or stress or a combination of the two, the next days come to me in jumbled up blurs. I remember a nurse telling someone that the contractions were four minutes apart. I remember thinking this was serious, that’s pretty close together right? I remember the Dr. coming in. They did a Doppler; the babies’ heartbeats were fine. Phew. They checked my cervix; there was a rush of fluid. Not good, really bad. The Dr. told me one of the water sacs was hour glassing. I was in active labor. Then I remember these stinging words. “Courtney” the Dr. said, “If your babies are born today they will not survive.” She repeated it to me. “If your babies are born today they will not survive.” I didn’t know what to say. I heard her yes, please stop repeating it. What do you want me to say to that? Fix it, do something. The pain had, at this point, completely taken over my body. 3 doses of morphine had done absolutely nothing and I was useless. Rob sat nervously at my bedside holding my hand trying not to show me how truly terrified he was. Someone came in and asked him, “are you willing to do whatever it takes for this pregnancy and these babies?” He replied annoyed and impatient, “yes, of course.” “All right, we are going to transfer you to Banner Desert, they specialize in this area” she responded. I think at this point we realized that these nurses and our Dr. were not comfortable with our situation. They were used to full-term babies and healthy pregnancies. I was only 20 weeks along. This was a month before a baby could be considered “viable” if it were born premature.

I was then forced to sign paper after paper, barely able to open my eyes; people kept asking me questions that I couldn’t focus on. “Is there anything else you can do for the pain?” was all I could manage to say.  I was not allowed to get an epidural because they were moving me and I just had to wait. All I had known about labor pains I had seen in movies and heard from family, experiencing it first-hand is something no one can prepare you for. After what seemed like an eternity the ambulance arrived and we began our journey to the other hospital. Rob later told me that the driver didn’t turn on the sirens and seemed to be taking his time on the drive over. He has clearly never experienced this pain or the fear of losing a child. How annoying. We finally arrived and it was more annoying questions, although thankfully I was taken straight to a room. I asked again about an epidural. Really, how long were they going to make me experience this pain? Rob had to stop the nurses from changing my gown. “She doesn’t care if it’s bloody, she is in a lot of pain. She just needs some medicine.” He truly was my guardian angel through all this. Finally the anesthesiologist arrived and administered the epidural. I started feeling the cold trickle down my back and with it came the slow relief.

I remember even less from these times on. They put me on a magnesium sulfate drip to slow and hopefully stop the contractions. Why they didn’t do this right away? I don’t know, but honestly it doesn’t matter. Once the pain had subsided I was really able to be grateful for all the nurses and doctors that had taken care of me. Helping me to breath, putting a cold rag on my head, putting socks on my feet, and worrying about my wellbeing. They were all angels and I could recognize that now.

They listened with the Doppler again. The heartbeats were still strong. I was beginning to have hope, which worried me because I also had a very strong feeling that I was not going to be able to keep my babies. It was not a lack of faith. If I know anything at all I know that it was Heavenly Father. He was there with me and had been the whole time. He was telling me to be at peace and let His plan prevail. The magnesium sulfate they put me on made me drowsy, dry-mouthed, exhausted and nauseous. I realized I was about to throw-up and the nurse grabbed me a bag. I felt something warm on my legs. She checked me. “I think your water has broke. There is a lot of liquid. ” I asked what that meant for my baby, or Rob did. Like I said these times are a blur. “He will not be able to survive long without it, you are most likely going to lose this baby.” I was unnaturally calm. I looked to Rob and tried to smile. “This is just what is supposed to happen Rob, don’t be sad.” How was I so calm? It could only have been the strength from those in heaven helping me at this time. I knew it was not my strength. I knew I was not strong enough to just accept what was happening. The next few hours were a waiting game. I was forced to lie there and wait for my sweet baby boy to enter this world, knowing that his lungs were not strong enough for him to stay in it. At this point it was around 5:00 pm and Rob had not eaten all day. I forced him to go to the cafeteria. When he returned my dad was with him. As he approached my bed I let out my first tears up to this point, yet I still managed to maintain my composure. Rob had let him know what was going on. Being a Dr. he talked with the nurses and Dr. who had been taking care of me and made sure they were doing everything in their power to help me.

We sat in the room in silence for hours. Every so often someone would say a few words but it was mostly just somber. We knew what was coming for sweet baby boy A. After a long while my dad wanted to leave us to be alone. I was grateful that he had come but I was also grateful that he knew we needed time alone to process and grieve. Rob’s car was still at the other hospital so he took him to grab it and I asked Rob to get our little puppy Gemma and take her to his mother’s. He returned after what seemed like an eternity. When he was gone I had begun to feel the pressure they told me I would feel when I was about to give birth to my sweet boy. I was nervous and had not said anything to anyone because I did not want to give birth without Rob by my side. I told Rob when he returned and he told me to call the nurse right away. She came in with the Dr. and they checked me and felt that he was already coming out of the birth canal. I was forced to push and finally he was here. I heard the Dr. say she couldn’t feel a pulse, but this was no surprise to me. I couldn’t see him but I heard them say “sweet perfect baby”. Finally they asked if I would like to hold him. All I could do was nod. Feeling your baby and seeing ultrasounds is a whole different experience from seeing them in the flesh. He was absolutely perfect. Tiny little hands and feet, perfect little face and nose. All I could do was stare and hold him. The love I felt and feel for him is nothing you can describe. You hear parents say stuff like that all the time but it truly is an unearthly feeling. As Rob held our baby he said, “It’s weird how you can get so attached to something that you haven’t seen yet.” It’s true. We had not met them but we were already so attached to our baby boys.

The Dr. checked me again after the first delivery and told me that she could feel and see another fluid sac. Great. It is what I was expecting but you can’t help but have that hope float over you that maybe you will at least be able to keep one of your boys. They laid me completely flat and now it was just more waiting. Prospects were grim but we were still determined to do all in our power to save baby boy B. After a nearly sleepless night we awoke to more waiting. My dad came back and was able to see our first baby. Jacque arrived after he left and was also able to see our little angel. They ordered an ultra sound and when the tech finally arrived it was more bad news. Baby boy B had no heartbeat. The contractions from labor had been too much for his tiny fragile body to handle. The Dr. asked me if I would like to wait awhile or be induced right away. Rob and I decided it was best to just do it right away. They induced me and it was literally moments before I felt the familiar birth pains and pressures I had felt the first time. Our Dr. was in the OR but I was already feeling him coming and the nurse seemed a little frantic calling people and asking for helping hands. Finally the Dr. arrived and baby boy B was already half way here. We were able to hold him again and again he was absolutely perfect. It is hard to see a baby that looks so perfect on the outside. You wonder why couldn’t he live, because you can’t see all his delicate fragile organs on the inside that just weren’t strong enough for him to survive.

My sister Audrey arrived shortly after the second birth and her and Jacque were able to see the babies when they brought them back together. They placed them in a tiny basket cuddling together with two tiny teddy bears. They had tiny little hats on their sweet heads and they looked absolutely heavenly. It breaks my heart knowing that I will not get to hold or snuggle them again in this life. The only thing that can give you comfort at a time like this is knowing that they are in Heaven waiting for us to return to them. I’m glad to know that they didn’t have to experience pain or the hardships of this life and that they were just so perfect that Heavenly Father brought them right back up to live with Him.

The night and days after the deliveries have been the hardest for me. I completely broke down after speaking with my mom on the phone. The only thing that keeps me going through the day is staying busy and pretending that life is going on normally. It’s the constant reminders of their absence that slam me back to reality. I miss everything about them. I think about the times I complained about the little pregnancy aches and pains and it makes me mad. I would take back anything in a second if it meant having them here with me now. I miss my growing stomach. I hate the flat empty squishy nothingness it is now. I hate not worrying about what I eat or drink. I hate being able to sleep however I want without being out of breath. It’s a sickening reminder that they are gone anytime I realize it is just my body I am worrying about now. The thought of being pregnant again someday worries me. I still ache for children but knowing that it will not be them makes me cry. I try not to think about these things because I know having an eternal perspective is what is truly important. I WILL be able to see them and hold them and raise them and love them again. Rob and I WILL be and are their parents. You never imagine that you will have to go through something like this in your life. I never thought I would have to make arrangements for my baby boys to be buried. I never thought I would have to look at caskets and headstones and burial plots. Nothing can prepare you for something like this in your life. I just hope I can continue to keep my eternal perspective and that my testimony in God and His plan can keep me centered when those hard times overcome me.

I want to thank everyone who has helped us through this emotional time in our lives. We have felt all of your thoughts and prayers with us. We appreciate the food, flowers, and words and thoughts in our behalf. I want to especially thank Jacque my sweet mother-in-law for helping with all the burial arrangements, these are just things that Rob and I don’t have the energy to worry or think about right now and we are so grateful for her handling them. It is a humbling thing to feel the shower of love all of you have shown to us. I am most grateful for Rob in my life at this time. The thought of going through this without him is terrifying. He has been my rock and my angel. He holds me each day and helps to comfort me when I feel like I just can’t handle it. I hope that I can do for him even half of what he has done for me. He is the only man that I could spend an eternity with and I am so grateful for my decision to marry him. It was truly the best thing I have ever done in my life.
8 Weeks.
18 Weeks.


Baby Boy A
Baby Boy B

February 5, 2012

Utah + Babies

 It has been a hot second since I've blogged but I had some pictures from our trip and I wanted to share them with y'all. My beautiful sister-in-law just had an adorable little baby boy so Rob & I drove up to visit her cute new family. It was a good time and baby Jameson is adorable! I couldn't get enough of Rob and baby together...I've been a little baby hungry as of late...can you tell?

It was good to have some time off work and enjoy time with good friends and family. I will admit Utah is very beautiful and Rob and I had a ton of fun just wandering around Mapelton, hanging out with some llamas (who knew we would love them so much) and just staring at the sleeping baby.
I'm still an Arizona girl at heart though & I definitely prefer this...

July 12, 2011

our little Gem(ma)

I know it's been a LONG time since posting anything. A lot has changed since the last time I blogged, I started work again and we are still unsure where we will be moving in the fall, but most importantly we finally got our puppy! She is so much better than expected and if you ask me the cutest dog to ever exist!
She's 3 months now and still working on the whole controlling her bladder thing...other than that she is perfect! She's super cute, playful, a little crazy but mostly just sweet. She loves all people, swimming, and of course sleeping!
I never thought it would be me, but I have become THAT dog lady...you know the one that is super annoying, loves talking about her dog and brings it every where like it's her baby. If you are also an animal lover enjoy the photos and if you are not this is probably the wrong thing to be reading ;)

May 4, 2011

puppy love

If any of you know me at all you know that I am quite the animal enthusiast. I have been hounding Rob to buy us a puppy ever since we got married! He keeps promising me that we will get one this year....I just can't seem to wait that long though. Anyway, we are looking for a little maltese girl and all the sites we have found have them priced around $1500; apparently Rob was not aware that dogs were so expensive so now he is more hesistant than ever to buy us one for my birthday (since we are still on the job hunt and money is sparse). I decided that instead of spending all my massage money on clothes (I'm a girl, what do you expect) I am going to start putting it away for a puppy fund!
Side note: Any of you (not serial killer) girls out there want a massage I can do house calls and am excellent, if I do say so myself, I charge $65 but if you book three with me I can cut it to $50 each.
Anyway, we just can't wait until out family is complete (who needs kids? jk) and we have this little girl join us and scamper around pooping on all the carpets!

Much love, The Wicks

Robert Moore Wick

On Friday April 29th my lover husband graduated from Thunderbird with his MBA. We are all so proud of him!
and so the job hunt continues! Wish us luck.

April 20, 2011

arizona, my love

Despite the fact that Rob graduates in a week, we are still not sure where we are heading after that. Our lease is up at the end of May.. We would like to stay in Arizona but there is a strong chance that we will have to leave. I can not decide if I am really excited or sad about this. I will of course be happy where ever I am with Rob and starting our life together in a new state would be fun but I would also be very sad to leave it all! Oh well, here's to the future!

April 10, 2011


Last weekend my momma was sweet enought to fly me out to Dallas where my sisters were for a little girls weekend. It was the first time all the little nieces got to meet and it was precious to see them loving on each other.
I love my family and I can't wait to see them all in California this summer for our annual family reunion!

March 3, 2011

Ecuador Loving

The other day I received an OSSO alumni newsletter that brought me to tears. OSSO, or the orphanage support services organization, is a wonderful group of LDS people helping orphanages based out of Ecuador. More specifically they work out of Quito and Cuenca. This last summer I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to travel to Cuenca with my best friend and serve the amazing children there. I wouldn't be able to sum up my experience in one blog post and to say it completely changed my life would still be an understatement. I am aware of the cliche, but the friendships I made there will last a life time and the kids touched my heart in a way I never thought possible. I was only there for two short months and it only took me two weeks to fall in love with the children forever. Those kids blessed my life more than anything I could ever have done for them. I do not know one girl who would take back the time she spent there with them. It is simply amazing the way God can show you his love through the actions of others. I felt it through these children everyday and not just on the good ones. It was not a summer vacation and I have the scars to prove it; there were days where I would want to break down and cry, where my kids would relentlessly disobey me and terrorize all us volunteers. But the second one of the kids smiled at me, or hugged me, or chanted Courtney bonita, my day of horrors was completely worth it! Even now, when it has been well over six months since I have been back, not a day goes by without me reminiscing, longingly on the days I spent in Cuenca. Those kids have taken a permanent place in my heart and I look forward to the day when I can be reunited (with out the language barrier) and take them in my arms and give them all besos!

It is unfortunately against Ecuadorian law for me to post any pictures of my little angels on a public blog. If you are curious enought I have some on my facebook and if you are my friend you may view them there. However, I will share a couple photos of the fabulous girls that I met while in Ecuador however.

And of course none of this would be possible without theses amazing assistant directors and host parents of the Cuenca house that put up with all the crazy!

If you are interested to learn more about this wonderful organization please visit their website, here!

In a closet in my house I keep a small box hidden away. It is sacred and special to me. At least once a year I pull it out and it re-op...